Coming out of the closet...

“Spirit of the tree” 2019

“Spirit of the tree” 2019

Did you know I could see into angelic realm? I can also see into the spirit realm of plants and animals and spirit realm of ancestors. I can see auras of people on various levels (energetic field, colors, illnesses), and I can read Akashic Records (soul’s purpose and its journey).

You can call it clairvoyant, or psychic, but I guess I prefer the term Seer. I never entertained the idea to make it my vocation or practice on people in any way. I never had a call to be a fortuneteller or healer of any sort. I could just see what is, on the unseen level, and it made me feel uncomfortable.

I had these abilities from birth, I did not need to develop them, unlock them, or go through any rituals or prayers to enter any of these realms. I just walked in and connected. It came to me and my sister, from the maternal line of my Siberian grandmother Anna, who had these abilities too.

I lived with it quietly, occasionally allowing it in, but mostly ignoring and trying my best to look normal. I had this tremendous fear of what will others say or think of me if they knew what I can see. Sometimes I thought of myself as crazy. But nobody seem to notice anything off about me, so I passed on as “not crazy” so far, rather a little antisocial.

I went to Ayahuasca and San Pedro plant medicine ceremony on 5th of April. These were my first encounters with plant medicines or psychedelics of any type. My intention of going there was healing, as I was going through some rough time controlling emotions, that were detoxing out of my body. So I was looking for some purging of the past, healing of the mind and peace of the heart. I didn’t think this ceremony would intensify my abilities and bring them onto the surface. (Duh.) Not only the seeing intensified, all of the beings in these realms started talking to me as well. (Here is the time for you, reader, to abandon this blog post and run for the heels.) I came out of there, facing reality of who I am more harshly than ever, and decided to come out of the closet for the peace of my mind.

Just to confirm what I already knew, I went to the local Seer an asked her to look into my Akashic Records. This is first time ever I went to any type of psychic person, I always thought of them as delusional people and didn’t want to get in touch with any of that. I told her nothing of myself, except that I am an artist, looking for some existential answers. She called me a “wounded healer” and suggested I start living up to my soul’s calling. “But I already do” – I told her. “I paint and teach spiritual type of art and all of it has healing effect on people. I show spiritual realms through my paintings.” “But you are silent, you never vocalize who you are. You started painting, so that you don’t have to speak. You can be so much more if you just embrace it.” – she said.

I came home feeling very irritated and decided that her reading was off. I went to the Akashic realm to look for answers, but more details of the same thing kept pouring in. And the more I looked, the more fear I was facing at the magnitude of what was available to see and experience. I asked my sister for permission, then looked into her Akashic records and told her what I saw. She started crying uncontrollably, telling me how she did not live up to her soul’s calling. I looked at her and saw a mirror of myself, mirror of so many of us. Fearful of who we are, of how amazing we are, of how magical we are. How many of us are afraid to unfold, to acknowledge, to experience? How many of you can honestly say you are not a powerful being of light in your essence, deep down on your soul level? We all know we are, question is can we embrace it?

So here you go, beautiful artists. Love and light to you all and to myself. And no judgement on any level.

Hugs,

Annie.


What’s new? Upcoming online art workshop “Re-Connect to Nature” on 1st of July. I offer it on “pay what you can” basis. Workshop is inspired by my recent connection to plant medicines. Exploration of portraiture art through painting, drawing, sculpting and journaling. If you see this note much later than release date, you can still sign up on self-study basis. CLICK HERE to register.

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Fearless destruction and re-creation of art

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Every now and then me and Tallulah Jade Rainbow are indulging in fearless creations like this one. We started it when Tallulah was 2 and we are still doing it when she is 7. Art for the sake of art, for the sake of fun and exploration. Without attachment to outcome. Today we reworked my last year artwork, and I think the result is a good example between stiff and loose art. One is controlled - another one - playful. She turned out to have a bit troubled and emotional expression, but that’s pretty much how art goes. We don’t really give birth to them, they are born through us, just like the life itself is living through us. All we have to do is stand by and observe.

I hope you enjoy this fun, fast forwarded video of the concept “art is never finished - only abandoned.” My favorite part is a cactus in the sky. ;-)

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What’s new:

Releasing new online art workshop on 1st of July 2019. Registration page:


Free video and upcoming new workshop

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Hi everyone,

I have created this instructional video couple of months ago for one of the collaborative workshops I was part of. After some time the rights of the video comes back to me and I can sell it on my website. I decided to gift it to my subscribers to say thank you for staying with me all these years and for your continuous support.

You can view it here:

As for the upcoming new workshop that I was mentioning few times on the social media already, it was inspired by my recent healing journey with plant medicines and increasing connection to nature and all living things. It’s called “Re-Connect to Nature”. And although nature implies possibly painting plants, pine cones, cute owls and bunnies, as a portraiture artist, I have adapted this theme to painting, drawing and sculpting faces, inspired by nature elements. There will be art journaling, poetry, writing, air-drying clay, re-purposed book journal making, painting, drawing and collage. A true mixed media exploration, full of inspiration and love. What is more, I am making it very affordable and accessible to all. I am working on an information page right now, so more info is coming soon.

Although I was planning to release it in May, I was delayed by 2 weeks long glandular fever that literally tied me to a bed, so mid June will probably be more realistic date. I will send newsletter with exact dates within this coming week or so. If you don’t get one, please come back to this website in a week, the info should be under the Workshops tab.

Hope you enjoy painting with this video and hope to see you in my new class soon. :)

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Preparing to paint on stones.

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Painting on found bark of a tree.

Emotional liberation through Brian D Ridgway system & 2nd grape fast

What I Thought I Knew - 14”X18” mixed media, by Annie Hamman, March 2019

What I Thought I Knew - 14”X18” mixed media, by Annie Hamman, March 2019

Before I get to Brian D Ridgway system, I have to mention that I have completed my second 40 day grape and lemon fast on 12th of March (by Dr Morse system). I basically blended grapes and lemon juice and drank 750 ml at 8 am, 12 noon and 4 pm, and the rest 16 hours I dry fasted (no food no water). I pretty much followed my previous formula, (you can read about it in my previous blog post in August 2019 grape fast). I had reasonable filtration this time around, but hardly any physical detox symptoms. I would say this fast was rather physically asymptomatic, although I lost 5 kg of weight. I must also mention that I haven’t had symptoms of fibromyalgia for several months now. I don’t know if I have it any more, I feel perfectly healthy. Vegan food, mostly raw, plus working on emotions have everything to do with it. Last remnants of it disappeared when I started working on emotions. Those of you who have fibro and have already tried at least 1 year of raw food detox with little results, move onto resolving emotional issues, you might need that more than cleaning your physical body. Few times through this 2nd fast I even was wondering if my physical body already pretty clean and didn’t particularly needed this fast.

However my emotional body needed it. This time around I went through HECTIC emotional detox. I have never in my life experienced anything like it. Grief, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, resentment, and similar crap have crushed down on me like a ton of bricks. I never knew I had so much negativity contained in me. The process actually already started in September, right after completing my 1st grape fast, and after being on raw food, mainly fruit, for 4 months, but at that time I was totally unprepared for the emotional break down and did not take it well. I went to NLP practitioner for 3 months to resolve it, but it made little difference. I tried to follow German New Medicine, but could not connect with the system (It works for other people though). I even regretted to ever getting on raw vegan and fruit, because it unleashed so much stuff in my emotional body – it was not even funny! It nearly destroyed me. But hey, what doesn’t kill you – makes you stronger, right?

Second grape fast I started on 1st of February, this time I knew emotions are coming, and that it was going to get ugly. That didn’t mean I knew what to do with all of these emotions. The feeling was: I am going to let the emotions come, and hopefully I will figure out what to do with them and somehow survive. Optimistic hopefulness at its highest. I have been on a self-help journey long ago, from ages 16 to 26. I tried, studied and even practiced everything I could think of or find. After 10 years of gaining tons of theory and getting practically nowhere, I abandoned my search and lived with all my hibernating unresolved issues for another 15 years.

On 2nd February I visited my friend who is recovering cancer by DR Morse system and GNM, and complained to her about what I am going through, with regard to this grape fast and all the emotions. She looked at me intently and said: “You need to break your self-help addiction. I will send you Brian D Ridgway book.” I thought: “What? I am addicted to what?” She called me an addict! I was offended! She did send me the book (which is available for free online), but I only opened it a week later, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to open it sooner. And wow, the bomb awaited me there. I was so ready to receive it, I gobbled up what was in it, like a drowning person with the last sliver of hope. This is where I started crying, and I cried and I cried and I cried, and things of my past and present began unraveling and resolving themselves. There were few links to videos in the book, I clicked and watched them. They made a huge impact on me too. I “participated” in every video, applying the techniques, and things began immediately shifting and changing in my life. I also went to FB and dag up every available free video of Brian’s and watched all of them too. They were mind blowing revelational and transformational. Not in a theoretical bla bla bla wow kind of a way, in a practical application kind of way. Where I did what was suggested, meticulously and practically, and it actually brought results.

I also discovered that Brian just started 12 week online workshop “Level 5 Liberation” that is still running until 12 April, I sent him private message and he allowed me in. He also made an offer to people, for the first time, to get access on “pay what you can basis”, which is quite remarkable. It allowed many people with financial strains, to get access to his teachings, and to a path of emotional liberation. Brian is very accessible and attentive to everyone, he loves people and loves to help. There are 70 people in a group, 30 of them interact on weekly live videos and what a powerful interaction this is.

During these few weeks of online group workshop with Brian, in conjunction of raw food detox that I was going through, I have grown emotionally by leaps and bounds, resolved things of my distant childhood and past years, that I abandoned hope to resolve, and major positive changes have happened in my life. I restored family relationships, restored broken friendships – that were abandoned and seemed beyond repair, restored business relationships, financial situation changed for the better, I overcame fears of putting myself out there and fears of change, social awkwardness and anxiety disappeared. I became very clear and aware on what I wanted in life and how to achieve it - it looked so simple, it was ridiculous I haven’t noticed any of it before. I was also constantly receiving gifts and attention from people in one continuous flow, and transformed from a party loner to a people’s magnet. I used to have severe fear of authorities and bureaucracy (from the times of my childhood in socialistic Soviet Union), and was unable to go to embassy to apply for passport so I could travel. I had no travel document for 7 years and felt trapped! Few days after starting on Brian’s system I applied for my passport. I called embassy and they were very friendly and helpful, it turned out to be very easy. I hanged up and started crying hysterically. I think it’s actually quite funny how f…ed up we actually are without fully realizing it. I have found confidence, courage, stability and peace of mind that I haven’t felt in years, or maybe never. These changes have occurred in a period of just 1 month! If you are interested in trying Brian D Ridgway system, below are all the links. Do not enter if you are not intending to practically work with emotions, you have to give it your best and be prepared to break down and rebuild yourself again. Brian will not save you, he will guide you, but you have to do the work yourself. Be open minded to encounter one of the brightest, intuitive, down to earth and unconventional teachers of our time. He will move you out of your comfort zone, shake you out of your stupor, even offend you (if you need it), make you laugh and cry a lot, and open doors to possibilities you never knew were always available to you.

Free Book “Break your self-help addiction.”: http://breakyourselfhelpaddiction.com/ There are links to videos within this book, please watch them and “participate” while watching. This is how I felt the system is really working.

Testimonials: https://briandridgway.com/overwhelming-proof/

Personal Facebook page (he accepts friend requests): https://www.facebook.com/brian.d.ridgway

Business Facebook page (both pages - private and business have lots of free videos): https://www.facebook.com/BrianDRidgwaySpellbreaker/

If you wish to participate in Brian’s online workshop “Level 5 Liberation”, send him a private FB message, he should give you access and you would be able to pay what you can. (Hope that haven’t changed yet.)

Please note: I am not having any financial gain by recommending any of it, just sharing my journey. If you for some reason against any of his teachings, please keep your opinion to yourself, I am not here to open a debate, this is my subjective experience. Thank you. :)

Hope this helps some of you. Thank you for reading, my friends.

40 day grape and lemon fast completed

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I have completed my 40 day grapes and lemons fast followed by 38 hour dry fasting. 
I am giving detailed description below for those that are interested and would like to try it. I am not a detox specialist, nor this is a set exact formula. My friend who did this fast 3 months before me, have done it a bit differently, ate different amounts of grapes, and had her own detox symptoms. One thing that is the same for all of us: we get physically, emotionally, psychologically better from detoxing via fruit, and that is super amazing! 
So here is my personal journey, and you can take what works for you:

Grapes.
1. I live in the area where there are no organic grapes available. Heck, there are almost none of any type of organic fruit available. So i bought inorganic, and soaked them in water with 3 tbs apple cider vinegar and 2 tbs bicarbonate of soda for 3 hours, to remove pesticides. Later i bought myself O3 Washer Machine - removes pesticides using water and ozone.
2. I ate dark grapes, I don’t like the taste of green, but other people detox on green as well. I could find seeded only 20% of the time, so i mostly bought seedless dark grapes of different kinds, whatever i could find.
3. I know its recommended to buy fruit in season, but i needed to do grape detox, so i bought imported grapes out of season, without seeds and full of pesticides (yep, it cannot be worse than that!), and i still got tremendous results with my detox. Imagine what you can do with dark organic seeded grapes in season?! You could totally fly!
4. I ate 3 kg of grapes per day most days, on few days it was 2.5, on some 3.5. You can eat as many as you like.

How I ate them.
I DRANK NO WATER FOR 40 DAYS. This is absolutely crucial for healing as pathological organisms and bacteria cannot survive without water, and healthy cells win. I never felt dehydrated, grapes have enough water.
You can eat grapes in any form: grapes and lemon juice blended in blender, grapes juiced in juicing machine or eat them.
Day 1 to 22:
1 kg Blended grapes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also ate a bit of grapes in between when i felt like it. Blended grapes had 1 lemon juice added to the blend.
Day 22 to 26:
The same, but 1 lemon was added to each blend.
Day 26 to 28:
Blended grapes with lemon for breakfast and lunch, grape juice with lemon for dinner
Day 28 to 30:
Blended grapes with lemon for breakfast, grape juice with lemon for lunch and dinner.
Day 31 to 40:
Grape juice with lemon 3 times a day, no eating grapes.

You can go with Blended grapes and eating grapes all 40 day, or juices all 40 days, listen to your body and adjust.

Eating times:
8 am, 1 pm, 5 pm.

15 hour daily dry fasting:
I dry fasted 15 hours 5 pm to 8 am all 40 days, which means no food no water. This is very crucial for healing, so do combine dry fast with grape fast if you are going on it. This facilitates better filtration.

Filtration (cloudy sediment in urine, if urine smells bad and looks dark and after standing for few hours gathers lot of sediment at the bottom - it means detox is working well, you are expelling toxins.)
I had filtration from day 3, on some days stronger, on some not, but i expelled good amount of toxins out of me from day 3 to 30.

Mucoid plaque (please google what it is. If you ever ate wheat, dairy, meat, you have mucoid plaque attached to your bowel walls, preventing proper absorbtion of nutrients)
The moment i switched to juices, my filtration stopped, but i started seeing mucoid plaque coming out from next day and day after, so from day 33 i added 1 tbsp bentonite clay, 2 tbsp psyllium husk and 1 charcoal capsule to my 1st morning grape juice to facilitate the plaque coming out, and it was coming every day in large amounts, i was pretty shocked to see how much of it i had in my body. 

Weigh loss:
I already almost reached my goal weight when i started on grapes, I wouldn’t mind losing 2-3 kg, but was terrified that I would lose 10 or more. However i only lost 3 kg, reaching my ideal weight. My friend lost more than enough weight during this fast and looked rather too thin, but she gained it all back, so it should not be an issue. Your body recovers during detox the way it feels right, don’t worry about it, it will all correct itself.

Energy levels:
Most of the time i had lots of energy, I didn’t need to rest and carried on with normal life.

Hunger:
I always felt full. Grapes are very satisfying. The only time i felt hunger was 8-9 pm for half an hour, because i stopped eating 5 pm every night, but it was mild and went away quickly.

Cravings:
First 20 days were ok, but second half i had many cravings, mostly salt, which indicates i have adrenals issues. Well, when you are half way through, you think you might as well stick with it, its only 3 more weeks. I rather endure some cravings for a bit, then fibro till the rest of my life.

Detox symptoms and healing crisis:
None of my detox symptoms were hectic, it was all mild to moderate and manageable.
1. Pain:
I have fibromyalgia, my pain mostly located on right side of my body. The moment i started on grape fast i had nagging pain in my right arm from elbow to tip of my fingers. It went away after 5 days, sauna helped a lot with it. When i went to sauna 1st time on grape fast, i had light sweating throughout my body, but very profuse sweating on my right arm where pain sat. That arm sweat a lot through few sauna sessions until pain went away. The pain haven’t been back so far, and before detox i lived with it constantly for the last year. 
2. Sleeping.
I have huge sleeping issue with fibro, so it was aggravated during grape fast, and on some days i felt foggy and unfocused due to lack of sleep. Day 10 to 17 i took some herbal teas at night to support sleep, but filtration reduced, so i stopped teas and switched to sleeping tinctures. I even began to doubt if the sleep going to correct itself this time. My friend told me many of people don’t sleep well on grape fast, so i stuck with it. The next night i ended my fast i slept like a baby. So i am hoping for the best on this subject. 😊
3. Kidneys and liver tenderness:
I had kidneys and liver sore on some days and it freaked me out. I had doubts if i am doing things right. I made sure to take my tinctures and it went away. I even made herbal tea couple of times to sort it out.
4. Other:
Low grade fever sometimes when i slept, for first 10 days
Urine odor most of the time
Migraines, moderate to severe, only on 2 days
Candida, moderate, for 1 week
Grumpiness on some days
Couple of times sluggish stool
On couple of nights throbbing bowels pain on the same spot for 30 min, when i went on juices and was expelling mucoid plaque
Random childhood memories of ordinary moments come in unexpectedly and drift away, like seeing fragments of a movie
Craving salt a lot towards the end

What else i did during grape fast to facilitate the process:
Dry sauna 2-3 times a week for 20-30 min.
Yoga 2-3 times a week, beginner to intermediate classes, mostly yengar and hatha.
Dry brushing of whole body before sauna, to activate lymph
I meditated while seating in sauna, mostly quietly observing my body on the inside, see it being healed and expressing silent gratitude for my healing. Power of visualization and imagining i have already received perfect health.
Taking tinctures, herbal capsules and few times teas.

Supplements i took:
I buy locally produced herbal teas, capsules and tinctures. I try whatever i could find. I did my first month (May this year) on fruit and raw veg, without herbs, but after started using them i felt so much better drastically, so please don’t underestimate power of herbs. The stuff i bought probably not produced in your country, but see the names and get similar where you are. To get correct herbs and herbal tinctures, I carefully studied chapter on Herbs from Dr Morse Detox book, and also ingredients in his tinctures that he sells. I took these 2-3 times a day at the second half of detox. First half i made some teas.

38 hour dry fast at the end (No food no water):
First 26 hours of dry fasting were surprisingly easy. I was supposed to be resting, but was busy all day. 26-32 hours i had to lie down as my kidneys were quite sore (probably because i was supposed to be resting!) 32 to 38 hours were not easy. I just felt quite ill, couldn’t sleep, had mild fever and thought about food a lot. Thinking back, i was probably not ready for such long dry fast, but pushed it through out of stubbornness. I broke fast with water with lemon juice and honey, which made me nauseous. An hour later i drank apple juice made of 6 apples, which made me feel amazing (should have started with that maybe). And hour later i ate 3 pears. Then more fruit, and some veggies at end of the day. I also ate some nuts at end of the day, which was huge mistake, it gave me some bowel pains later, so don’t repeat my mistake. Not on a day of coming out of fast like that, cheez where were my brains.

I hope this helps some of you guys. 

I probably made few mistakes along the way, but will do it better next time. When grapes are actually in season, hahaha! Have i transgressed during the 40 days? Well, have i licked a spoon few times when cooking for my family, but i refuse to count it as transgression! 

P.S. Results of the grape fast. No pain so far and sleeping better. Feeling better, lighter and happier. Skin cleared, hair look healthier. Reached ideal weight that i used to be between age 20-32. I am 40 now. I am on healing journey since February this year and fully raw since May. Since that time the changes were phenomenal already, mood swings gone, depression gone, hot flushes and migraines gone (I am in full menopause since 39), severe pigmentation on my tummy from pregnancy days are gone, piles are gone, eye sight improved, i am full of energy, need only 5 hours of sleep, lost nearly 20 kg. That was all before this grape fast, Feb to July.

What do I do from now?

I will return to raw vegan diet to balance myself, which will be 70% fruit, and the rest raw vegetables, nuts, seeds, oils, herbs. After couple of months, will go 100 fruit for a month to have another round of detox happening, to expel more toxins. In February will do another grape fast and next year in winter oranges fast, because they are in season in winter. Couldn't do them this year, I felt I was not ready for oranges, they are super powerful in pulling out toxins. I think I could be 60% there with my complete rejuvenation. It's a process that may take up to 2 years, especially in people with chronic conditions.

Thank you for reading and I hope some it is of use to some of you.

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